Slipping into Routine
by Meanderings
Summary: Chapter 2: Just like how Alphonse has a weak spot for kittens, Envy does so too for intelligent, sensitive Elrics. Or anyone that's not Edward, for that matter. PostMovie. Envy-centric.
1. Slipping into Routine

**Title**: Slipping into Routine  
**Summary: **Frankly, it _sucks_ to be human.  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own.  
**Notes/Warnings**: Unbetaed. Language.  
If anything is out-of-whack, I'll just say this is AU.  
Not to mention alcohol and insomnia does _strange_ things to people...

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**Slipping into Routine**

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Edward sighs when he hears the all-too familiar racket coming from upstairs. Not _again_.

The door opens, and he sees the remains of a lamp on the floor and the leg of a broken chair in Envy's hands. He shouts Envy's name.

"Fuck off, pipsqueak!" Envy snarls and throws the leg at him. To the boy's disappointment, Edward catches it and sets it down.

"You're a bigger brat than Wrath," Edward comments amiably, noticing the way Envy's shoulders tense at the name. The thought of that whining idiot enrages him more.

"This is your fault," Envy snaps, abruptly pushing the blonde against a bookshelf. "If you weren't so hasty in closing the Gate, I wouldn't be stuck here with you."

Edward slowly pries his grip from his collar, and Envy hates how little effort it takes.

"I thought you were dead!" Edward fires back, shoving Envy away, causing the him to stumble over his feet and onto the bed.

"I'm a homunculus, moron. In case all this 'science' addled your brain, homunculi don't die from a few stab wounds."

Edward's condescending laugh makes him glower. "How long are you going to keep this up?"

Envy shrugs. "Forever since I have no idea what you're talking about."

"This!" Edward sweeps his mechanical arm at the mess Envy made.

"What about it?" Envy replies innocently, glancing at the room coolly.

"You can't throw a fit every time you're reminded that you're not a homunculus anymore. Accept it. You're _human_," Edward says almost maliciously, and the look on his face is even uglier.

"I am not!" Envy snarls, nearly shrieking the last word as he leaps off the bed at the smug blonde. Edward ducks at the last second and rams his elbow into Envy's bare stomach. He hears a groan above him and stands back up, smirking.

"You can feel pain now, can't you?" Edward states more than asks, already knowing the answer when he looks at the resentment on Envy's face. "You can't shift. You can't even _beat_ me anymore." He hears Envy's sharp intake of breath.

"I'm just going easy on you, pipsqueak," Envy mutters, but the confidence is gone from his voice. Edward raises an eyebrow, daring Envy to just _try_ and prove his words. Envy is the first to look down at his feet, which are still stubbornly covered in black material. He remembers how reliable they once were, never letting him land on anything but them.

It hurts to know that the alchemist is right. His perfect balance is gone. Any strength he had—as he discovered—was a result of the stones he had consumed, not from working out. Now he's just _thin_, but lately he's been able to grab onto something suspiciously like fat in certain spots. He hates it, not having control over his body anymore. He's so ugly now.

"You're wrong," he whispers viciously, sliding an arm over his stomach. "The Gate didn't make me a human. I'm still a homunculus, just like how you're still a damn alchemist. It just doesn't work here in this stupid world."

"You sure about that?" Envy wants to smash his fist into the careless look Edward gives him, but doesn't because he knows the boy is now faster than him and could easily break his wrist. "The Gate works in strange ways."

"It likes to fuck things up, I can tell you that," Envy retorts. "I didn't want to shift into a dragon. How the fuck was I suppose to find the bastard that way? But that was the cost of getting to the other side."

"You still killed him," Edward says softly. Envy scoffs, "I was more or less comatose when that happened."

"The Gate does everything for a reason. It could have given you your soul back."

Envy laughs humorlessly. "Equivalent exchange, dumbass. If I had gotten my soul back, you'd have to attach it to a pile of junk, just like what you did to your little brother. The Gate can't take anything except my body. I have nothing else."

"The Gate took my—how do you put it—_experiences_ for the life of Al," Edward confesses. "It's not always cruel."

"Bullshit! The Gate gave birth to me, spat me out knowing the bastard wouldn't want me anymore. Then it puts me _here_ with the people I hate the most!"

Edward can feel the rage boiling under Envy's skin.

"I'm trying to help here," Edward says coldly.

"Some help you are." Envy sneers. "How 'bout you focus on opening the fucking Gate instead of traipsing around saving humans."

Edward's hands curl into fists, and Envy almost squirms with delight. It's been a while since Edward was the angry one.

"Thousands of lives are at stake if Al and I don't do anything! You never change, do you? You're still a selfish bitch, even after all we've done for you."

Envy ignores the icy tone in Edward's voice and meets his glare levelly. "Good. Maybe that'll be motivation for you to get rid of me."

Edward throws his hands up in the air and groans. "I don't know why I put up with you! It was Al's idea to keep you."

"I'm not a fucking pet," Envy deadpans.

"Well, you sure would be hopeless and probably _dead_ without us, like a lost little puppy," Edward mocks. "After that incident with the authorities..."

Envy makes a move to strangle him, but Edward hastily says, "Al will be back soon. He won't be happy to see you made a mess of his room."

Envy scowls and stops. _Guilt-tripping_. He can't believe Edward's using his soft spot for the younger, less-annoying Elric as blackmail to clean up. Edward laughs at his disgruntled look as he reluctantly moves to pick up the broken lamp.

"Al bought dinner, so come down when we call for you."

"'m not hungry," Envy mutters.

Edward rolls his eyes as he turns around, unable to resist dishing out one more taunt. "Come on, Envy. _Humans_ get hungry."

"I'm not fucking human!" But the growl from Envy's stomach protests otherwise. Edward cracks up.

"Fuck off, shorty!" Envy screams.

Edward barely has enough time to shut the door behind him before Envy flings the lamp at it.

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There's one thing that would make my day, darlings, I think you know what.  
**TBC.**


	2. Simple Things, Easy to Break

**Title: **Simple Things, Easy to Break  
**Summary**: Alphonse has a weak spot for kittens; Envy has a weak spot for sensitive, intelligent Elrics.  
**Disclaim: **Don't own.  
**Warnings**: Language.  
**Notes:** Fuck. ff(dot)net was being absolutely retarded so I typed this thing from my memory. Fuckfuckfuck. There's an entire paragraph I can't remember. I'm pretty sure you can tell where it was.

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**Simple Things, Easy to Break**

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"So…I heard you got into a argument with my brother?" Alphonse slowly says as he eases himself onto the foot of their bed—well, Envy's since he was nice enough to offer his bed instead of dumping the Sin on the floor like Edward suggested.

"Should that come as any surprise to you…shorty?" Envy takes note that he needs to come up with different nicknames for the brothers. Alphonse isn't that short, but both brothers are growing so Envy doesn't know if his insult still holds true.

"I know you're upset about your...err. Predicament," Al continues conversationally.

"Understatement of the century," Envy mutters.

"_But_ you'll have to adapt when you're here. It should be easy for you. After all, isn't that what you had to do every time shifted?"

"Can't shift anymore, dumbass," Envy says, and Al gets the feeling the other boy isn't really paying attention.

"If it makes you feel better, Envy, I promise that when my brother and I open the Gate, we'll give you your powers back."

Envy thinks Alphonse is joking and starts laughing uproariously. The stunned look on the blonde's face only encourages his laughter. When he calms down, he grins, "Don't play me for a fool. There's no way that pipsqueak would do that. I know that once he opens the Gate, he's going to send me back to that Hell. I plan getting to the other side before _he_ gets me."

Alphonse frowns. "Brother doesn't hate you as much as you think. We decided a long time ago that we'd do that for you. We know what it's like to be homesick."

"Homesick, bleh." Envy sticks his tongue out, and Alphonse marvels at how childish the oldest Sin can be. Envy needs some convincing.

"I know what it feels like to be hollow, to be separated from the body you're most familiar with." Alphonse curls his fingers into his palms as if he can still remember the sounds his metal hands made. To know the absence of a beating heart, a pulsing Philosopher's Stone. Envy wants to throw up when he realizes how similar he is to Al. The only difference is that he hates Edward, and Alphonse would die for him.

Still, he retorts, "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough," Alphonse replies in a way that makes Envy want to hit him. That superior, mocking tone reminds him of Dante. _Fuck, stop thinking about her. It only proves that the brat is right._ Homesick is such a weak human emotion. A Homunculus doesn't have a home, a monster like him doesn't belong anywhere.

"And I know enough about you," Envy mimics just because he can. Alphonse raises an amused eyebrow and smiles warmly. He doesn't know if this means Envy is in a good mood.

"Okay. Tell me something about myself that I don't already know."

"You know that German boy Edward was with before we came along?"

Alphonse nods.

"Well, you ever think Edward looked at him like he was his brother? With that chance he might never see you again... Do you like that idea? That you could be _replaced_?"

Alphonse is glad he isn't Edward because if he was, he would punch the Sin. But by now, he's figured out that this sadistic teasing is Envy's defense mechanism. Envy's remark stings a little, and he looks uncertain for a moment. It's enough to get Envy laughing. The Sin is stopped short when Alphonse says, "Edward would never do that to me. We've been through so much together. He would never give up on _us_."

Envy sneers. "You sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Envy," Alphonse snaps. Envy looks taken back.

"Hmp. Whatever you say."

"Apology accepted."

"What! I never apologized, brat!" Envy splutters, but Alphonse's smile leaves no room for argument. Damn that younger Elric.

"Let's change topics. It seems like the one you chose is making us both uncomfortable."

"Hm."

"You know. If you don't make Brother as mad as often, he might let you go out soon."

It works. It catches his attention. Envy tries to hide his eagerness at the statement. He's always been a good actor, but his skills have been slipping lately. Alphonse easily detects the childish glee.

Envy catches himself before he lets something embarrassing slip out. "Why would I want to walk around with a bunch of humans?"

Alphonse rolls his eyes. Typical Envy.

"I could take you somewhere you'd enjoy. Or maybe a restaurant! I hear the ice cream parlor down the street is good!"

"What the fuck is ice cream?" Envy dead-pans.

"Oh, you lived four hundred years ago. I always forget that."

"Moron."

"Gee, thanks."

Envy taps his foot impatiently under the bed covers. This is taking too long. When will Al leave him alone?

"Well, there can't be much you could've done back then." Alphonse looks thoughtful. "If you were as nasty as you are now, I doubt the other children wanted to play with you. Hmm. Was there anything you liked to eat? They had uh...bread and...corn back then...right? That doesn't sound tasty."

"I liked to read," Envy interrupts his musings.

"Really?" Interest lights up the golden-brown eyes, and Envy wishes he kept his mouth shut. "Liked to read what?"

"Books."

"Any favorite ones? I like to read books about alchemy."

"Just books," Envy grounds out, but Alphonse isn't deterred at all.

"Were you allowed to keep pets?"

"What the hell do animals have to do with books?"

"Well, if you had a pet, we could always buy you one. To keep you company," Alphonse says meekly.

"Are you always this annoying?" Envy finally explodes and chucks a pillow at him. Alphonse's chuckle is muffled when the pillow strikes him in the face.

"I promise I'll go away when I've found out what I want to know."

"I like to read! Take me to a fucking library or something."

"Brother's been buying books lately, and they all end up in your room. I knew you liked to read a long time ago."

"Insufferable, little--"

Alphonse holds up his hands in a mock-surrender gesture. "Just tell me one thing about yourself that I don't know."

Envy falls silent and thinks. He has to make this good otherwise he'll never have some peace. Dante's already spilled so much about him. The fuck is he suppose to say? Revealing he was Hohenhiem's son would've been the best thing to say, but oh no, that bitch spoiled it for him.

Envy's pensive frown reminds Alphonse of Edward. It stretches wide across their faces and then curves down toward their chins. Maybe Envy really is their older brother.

"Well?" Alphonse prompts after a moment.

"Shut up. This is difficult."

"I have a weak spot for kittens," Alphonse confesses to help, expecting Envy to snicker, but he doesn't.

"I died when I was ten," Envy admits quietly.

Ten, so that's younger than him. . . "But that form we saw!"

"Fake, made-up," Envy sighs condescendingly. "My real form looked too much like you two. I shifted into a younger face of that bastard so Edward could easily make the connection."

"Oh."

"Shut up. You got what you wanted, so fucking leave me alone!" Alphonse call tell Envy's embarrassed from the sour expression and heavy pout on his face. "Stupid brat." _Why the hell did I tell him _that_? Damnit.  
_

Alphonse glances at the door and says, "Edward's home. He bought a new chair."

"What about it?" Envy, though relieved for the distraction, puts on a clueless expression, pretending to not hear Edward's calls for help from downstairs.

"If you stay in bed every day, you're going to get fat, Envy," Alphonse states in a matter-of-fact way, struggling to hide his grin. Envy immediately pales and leaps out of bed, nearly running the blond over in his haste to get to the stairs. Ah, using Envy's vanity against him is the best way to get things done. When Alphonse arrives downstairs, he sees Edward on the ground, massaging his head as he yells at Envy, who looks like the epitome of innonence.

"You fucking bitch!" Edward screeches, about to tackle Envy.

"Brother, language!" Alphonse admonishes almost angrily.

"He curses all he wants, but I get called out on it?" Edward gapes. "Traitor!"

"Calm _down_."

Edward can hear Envy behind him singing softly, "Shit, damn, fuck, asshole. . ."

"No, that bastard tripped me!"

Envy smirks. "Must have been his own clumsy feet. So short, he can't even see over the top of the chair."

Edward's voice rises to an almost unbearable decibel.

"Brother!" Alphonse has to restrain Edward. "The chair, the chair!"

"Right, right," but Edward continues to glower at Envy, "The chair is more important."

Edwards picks up the chair again, and on his way up, he rams his shoulder into Envy, but it doesn't knock the haughty grin of his face.

"Come on," Alphonse says, "It's your chair."

Envy gives him a _don't-you-fucking-dare-tell-him_ look as Alphonse brushes past him to follow his brother to their room.

All Alphonse does is smile.


End file.
